How to write to an older adult
You don't need to be a great writer. A warm, simple letter can become a meaningful part of someone's week.
Before you write
- Check what the community asked for. Some want letters for a specific pen pal; others welcome general “Dear Friend” letters staff can share with an older adult or participant who would enjoy mail.
- Use the mailing instructions the community provides. Do not ask for a resident's room number or private home address.
- Use only the contact information the community says is appropriate. For children or groups, communication should stay with the responsible adult or organization.
Make it easy to read
- Write large and clearly. Print, or type in at least 16-point font. Use dark ink on white or light paper.
- Keep it short. Half a page to one page is plenty.
- Use short sentences and simple words.
- A picture of your garden, pet or town—or a child's drawing—can give someone something to hold and talk about.
What to write about
- Introduce yourself simply: your first name, general location and something you enjoy.
- Share small, cheerful things: a pet, the weather, a favorite food, a tradition or something you're learning.
- Ask one or two easy questions about preferences or long-ago memories.
- Talk about the season and everyday life.
- End warmly without promising visits or commitments you may not keep.
Writing to someone living with dementia
- Never ask “Do you remember me?” Introduce yourself again in each letter.
- Focus on today, the season and simple pleasures rather than testing recent memory.
- Ask questions with no wrong answer, such as a favorite flower, song or food.
- Don't correct or quiz. Respond to the feeling rather than policing details.
- Use one idea per paragraph and include pictures when helpful.
- A letter may feel new each time it is read. That does not make it less meaningful.
What to avoid
- Sad, frightening or political news.
- Religious messages unless the community has welcomed them.
- Questions about health, money, family conflict or why someone lives in a care community.
- Glitter, confetti, candy, food or loose items unless specifically approved.
- Money, gift cards or requests for anything in return.
- Promises you may not keep.
If you don't get a reply
- A resident may be unable or may choose not to write back because of vision, arthritis, memory changes, illness or personal preference. Your letter can still matter. Follow the community's guidance about whether to continue writing.
For teachers and group leaders
- Review letters before mailing.
- Follow the community's instructions for sending a class/group bundle.
- Include the group name and adult leader's contact information for staff.
- Children participate through the responsible adult, school or organization—not through their own Pen Pal Tree accounts.
Simple first-letter template
Dear ____________,
Hello! My name is ____________. I live in ____________.
A little about me: ____________________________________________
Something that made me smile this week: ________________________
My favorite thing about this season is __________________________
I would love to know: What is your favorite ____________?
Here is a picture for you!
I'm happy to write to you.
Warmly,
____________ (first name)
Easy questions to ask
What's your favorite flower, song or food? · Cats or dogs? · What's the best advice you've been given? · What games did you enjoy as a child? · Sunny days or rainy days? · What's your favorite holiday?